Babel no Tou

Ahhhhhh, the dust has settled and the ring is on my finger, it's time to relax, and you know what that means. It's time, once again, to jump headfirst into the fetid lands of 8-bit mediocrity. Envy me. And send me a check. Just make it out to cash.
Babel was the fabled city where God played one of his best practical jokes, by suddenly causing everybody to speak a different language. Kind of like calling tech support. The joke continues to this day with Babel no Tou, produced by Namcot (which is Namco's retarded, half-blind sister company). It's a sprawling puzzle game that taxes the mind and enriches the spirit by challenging you to pick up blocks and set them down and ... and ...
Well, that's actually all there is. 64 levels of picking up blocks and putting them down. If you want to get a taste of the excitement that is coursing through my veins at this particular moment, follow these simple directions:

1: Remove bulb from closest desk lamp.

2: Turn desk lamp on.

3: Insert penis.
I didn't even try to get to the end of this one. Well, I tried, but nasal insertion of the controller doesn't get you anything but soggy buttons. I take some small comfort, however, in the knowledge that somewhere out there, some kid got this game as a Christmas present. He's all happy and excited, because, well, he got a game. For the adolescent male, video games don't outrank porn as a good present, mind you, but it's awfully close. Then he pops it into the Nintendo, turns it on, and Christmas is ruined. Forever. I never got over that, or forgave Santa for leaving that game instead of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Fat bastard,