Astyanax
Yea, yea, yea, I've been slacking and the updates haven't been coming lately. I've been lazy. Bite me. I haven't been entirely derelict in my duties, as I've got a metric fuckton of games to catch up on.
Astyanax n Ass-tie-uh-nax: An aggravated inflammation of the bowels caused by caffeine overconsumption. Derives from the sound you make trying to squeeze shit like this out.
Case in point. Little beknownst to our hero, that fairy just took a dump on his shoulder. According to Jaleco, however, the story is a little different. From what I could gather inbetween beating myself in the head with a hammer, Astyanax is a high school student who's parents obviously hated him a lot and wished he were never born. Thus, they gave him some gay-ass name in the hopes that his schoolmates would beat him to death in the locker room and his parents could get back to their lives. It happens. Ask anybody who's parents named them Maude or Herald. They can tell you the same story.
Seriously folks, if you ever want your children to have any sort of life whatsoever, name your kid something normal. A good rule of thumb when choosing your baby's name is to realize that, someday, somewhere, someone will be hot naked and sweaty with them and will cry out "Oh, Oh, Oh god you're so fucking good, fuck me harder (insert childs name here) " You will thus realize that naming your kid Harold or Maude or Astyanax is a surefire way to kill any happiness they may otherwise experience. Try it. Next time you're out banging that $20 hooker, just shout "Fuck me harder Maude!!!". Three things will almost immediately happen. 1) You will lose your erection immediately. 2) that $20 hooker will spit in your face and arrange for her pimp to turn you into something less attractive than roadkill, and 3) God will give you syphilis, simply because he hates you too. Your sex life will then be limited to chicks that look like this:
That's the real story behind Astyanax and the real lesson that we can take away from it. Naming your kid Astyanax will doom him to a life spent running around, getting spit upon by $20 hookers and trying to kill medusa in a desperate attempt to get laid. Don't doom your kids to the same fate.
Astyanax n Ass-tie-uh-nax: An aggravated inflammation of the bowels caused by caffeine overconsumption. Derives from the sound you make trying to squeeze shit like this out. 
Case in point. Little beknownst to our hero, that fairy just took a dump on his shoulder. According to Jaleco, however, the story is a little different. From what I could gather inbetween beating myself in the head with a hammer, Astyanax is a high school student who's parents obviously hated him a lot and wished he were never born. Thus, they gave him some gay-ass name in the hopes that his schoolmates would beat him to death in the locker room and his parents could get back to their lives. It happens. Ask anybody who's parents named them Maude or Herald. They can tell you the same story. 
Seriously folks, if you ever want your children to have any sort of life whatsoever, name your kid something normal. A good rule of thumb when choosing your baby's name is to realize that, someday, somewhere, someone will be hot naked and sweaty with them and will cry out "Oh, Oh, Oh god you're so fucking good, fuck me harder (insert childs name here) 
That's the real story behind Astyanax and the real lesson that we can take away from it. Naming your kid Astyanax will doom him to a life spent running around, getting spit upon by $20 hookers and trying to kill medusa in a desperate attempt to get laid. Don't doom your kids to the same fate.
posted by network_failure at 6:46 AM
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