Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
*ahem* Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that 99 Lives now has it's very own drinking game, thanks to Bullet. Yes, you too can now join me in a downward spiral of alcohol induced 8-bit goodness. This, of course, pleases me far more than it really should. The only additional rule I would suggest is a drink for every time I call the sanity, heredity, or sexual proclivities of the Japanese into question. I will make available official patches so that you, too, can proudly declare your membership in the 99 Lives chapter of Team Blackout. These patches will be instantly recognizable, as they will closely resemble a label drunkenly torn off a bottle of Stoli. You liver hates me too. We will now celebrate in the only way I have left. By playing bad video games. 
That's right, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, made from the viciously awful movie of the same name. It was kind of a parody of a parody of really bad B-movies and if you watched it too long you'd be not smart no more. Like me. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, or AOTKT (best pronounced by jamming a spoon up your nose) is important for a few reasons. For one, it was made in 1978. The same year I was born. Coincidence? I think not.
Also, AOTKT (I think I just burst a blood vessel in my brain pronouncing that) is useful by splitting people into two groups. People like me, sad, blighted specimens of humanity that have spent too much time watching sci-fi shows, and who actually own this movie. In the other corner, there are the people who beat up people like me. You'll pay. One day you'll pay.
AOTKT (fuck. there goes another few brain cells) is remarkably similar to A Boy And His Blob. Both involve some kid who's probably running away from DEFACS, both have bouncy blobby things that are unfortunately not tits, and both cause my brain to hurt in exactly the same place. Also, both have a control interface that has single-handedly caused more people to destroy their controllers than any other natural force on the planet. 
I can see why a company would want to cash in on a successful movie like Top Gun, or even a spectacularly disappointing movie like The Hulk. Making a video game of AOTKT is kind of like trying to turn anal lint into a pasta seasoning. You just don't want to go there. Ever.
That's right, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, made from the viciously awful movie of the same name. It was kind of a parody of a parody of really bad B-movies and if you watched it too long you'd be not smart no more. Like me. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, or AOTKT (best pronounced by jamming a spoon up your nose) is important for a few reasons. For one, it was made in 1978. The same year I was born. Coincidence? I think not.Also, AOTKT (I think I just burst a blood vessel in my brain pronouncing that) is useful by splitting people into two groups. People like me, sad, blighted specimens of humanity that have spent too much time watching sci-fi shows, and who actually own this movie. In the other corner, there are the people who beat up people like me. You'll pay. One day you'll pay.
AOTKT (fuck. there goes another few brain cells) is remarkably similar to A Boy And His Blob. Both involve some kid who's probably running away from DEFACS, both have bouncy blobby things that are unfortunately not tits, and both cause my brain to hurt in exactly the same place. Also, both have a control interface that has single-handedly caused more people to destroy their controllers than any other natural force on the planet. 
I can see why a company would want to cash in on a successful movie like Top Gun, or even a spectacularly disappointing movie like The Hulk. Making a video game of AOTKT is kind of like trying to turn anal lint into a pasta seasoning. You just don't want to go there. Ever.
posted by network_failure at 9:10 AM
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