Bandai Golf - Challenge Pebble Beach

Golf. The art of driving hard, avoiding the rough, surmounting traps and hazards, aiming straight, and arriving on the green at last, only to end up in a hole in the ground before your companions. The favored pastime of businessmen and their cronies, probably without a full appreciation of its metaphorical implications.

In the grand scheme of things there are good ideas and then there are not so good ideas. Then there are ideas like making a video game about golf. That ranks right down there around making a video game that involves competitive paint drying. Still, at least there are no dragons flying around with giant bell peppers on their heads in this one. I've got that to be thankful for.
Bandai has actually done some good things in the entertainment industry, so I guess I can forgive them for putting a lobotomized squirrel in charge of new game development. Actually, I take that back now that I think about it. Bandai brought us the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, so I'm quite prepared to blame them for everything from the extention of the dinosaurs to communism to the continued popularity of Justin Timberlake.
The gameplay on this, if you could call it that, if pretty simple. The game more or less aims for you, so the only real thing that you have to do is press a button to start your swing and then press a button when the cursor is in the right little area. This involves pressing one button. That's all. Terry Schievo could have done that much. If I'm ever in an accident that leaves me paralyzed in every part of my body and I'm only holding onto life by a sliver of hope, I'll have to remember this game as a possibility. Playing this for more than 20 minutes should give that little sliver enough incentive to just go ahead and quit so I can get on to the fiery torments of my eventual reward.I'd prolly score about as well too...

5 years ago

This isn't about the project, but I hope you'll forgive the indulgence of yet another "where was I today" post. I always remember hearing my parents talking about how they still remember exactly where they were when they heard that JFK had been shot. I always remember thinking how strange that seemed. I don't think that way anymore. When you watch events unfolding, and know that this thing, this time will impact you or the world so fiercely that it will divide everything into "before" and "after" - you don't forget that easily. Or at all.

I heard about the first plane while I was driving to work. Like most of us, I didn't think too much of it. Some damn fool's gotten himself plastered, or it's a prank. It's got to be a prank. Then the second plane hit. It wasn't a prank. I didn't have a TV at work, so I was listening to the coverege on internet radio. The thing I remember most clearly about it all, what has stuck in my memory like a barb, is the calls the radio station took from people who were in the building. Panicked calls, and the DJ reassuring them that everything was going to be OK. I didn't believe him either. The towers came down about 10 minutes after that. Whoever the caller was, I doubt they got out.

I still don't believe what the DJ said. I don't think anybody does.

Banana Prince

In today’s video game flatulence we take a trip to Banana Island, in the Banana Kingdom. Under the rule of King Banana, I suppose. Right from the start Banana Prince gets off to a great start. You see, in a stunning turn of events, their banana symbol is stolen by the Pepper Dragon. Yup. That’s a dragon with a big bell pepper on its head. No, it makes no sense to me either.

Seems like I’m stuck in fruit and vegetable land for this review. That’s a little too close to being stuck in Nutritionist Land for my tastes, though. I’d rather be stuck in Jack and Coke land, but I’ll have to work with what’s in my glass, I guess.

On a personally surprising note, I actually kind of enjoyed this game. Not for any gameplay value, but mainly because I’ve suspended my policy of smashing my penis with a hammer before attempting to play any game. It makes me wonder if I was a vegetable prince in a previous life. Everybody else was Cleopatra or Napoleon. Since I actually played this game voluntarily for more than 15 minutes, I’d be willing to bet that I was a Vegetable Prince. Probably one who got cock-punched to death. That would be just my luck. Cockpunched to death by this evil boss, who seems to be a string bean.

Ok, that’s it, I’m going to quit. Some of you may still have illusions that I can justify my existence. I’d hate to shatter that.