Balloon Fight
After spending a potentially unhealthy amount of time yesterday sending Mario spinning helplessly into the sun, I've turned my attention to the next game of the project, the similarly-theamed "Balloon Fight". As with every game in this project, I approached it with the faint sense of hope that I'd press the right combination of buttons or find the right powerup and be presented with a universally acceptable reason for why John Denver was ever allowed to live past his first concert. Once again I was disappointed, but dauntless I pressed on and played the game and took the screenshots. Every once in awhile I notice a returning visitor; I'll do anything to keep those two actual readers coming back. As long as those two visitors arn't from the RIAA. If they are, I hope you die. Painfully. From syphilis.
But I digress. Balloon Fight opens with no hint as to what I'm in for, aside from the faint possibility that it has something to do with balloons. Look carefully and you'll see what clued me in. The trained eye can notice the balloon being used as a cursor. Well, there's that and the big fucking "BALLOON" scrawled across the top.
Being a balloon fight, I immediately thought back to my somewhat misspent youth, in which I participated in many balloon fights. Those balloon fights were actually fought with really big sticks, but if you pretended they were balloons then the doctors wouldn't press charges. Alas, I was not to relive my youth today (unless you count all the grasshoppers in my pocket, but that's pretty usual). Balloon Fight is actually some strange Joust knock off, using balloons instead of ostriches.
For one frightened moment I thought that Mario had somehow infiltrated this game too. After all, it's gotten to the point where he talks to me from the toilet. Fucking plumber. I was completely prepared to grab my really big stick and have a balloon fight with my monitor when I noticed that, thankfully, it was just somebody in red coveralls. Attached to balloons. Thankfully that was where the resemblance ended.
Speaking of red coveralls, I think I've found the body models used by Nintendo for roughly 98.all of their games. The fact that they're in biohazard suits should probably say something about Japanese, but I haven't quite decided what.
Anyway, the game itself is actually fairly fun. You fly around attached to your balloons and pop the balloons attached to the other ... the other .... um ... things, who parachute down to the ground where you run up and deliver the final coup-de-kick-in-the-nuts to get them off the screen.
Also, just in case you were missing one, there is occasionally a large fish that will pop out of the water and eat you alive if you get too close. This is a heathy lesson if you ever decide to float across the Atlantic with balloons strapped to your back. Don't get too close to the water. Hyre theyre be monsters.
But I digress. Balloon Fight opens with no hint as to what I'm in for, aside from the faint possibility that it has something to do with balloons. Look carefully and you'll see what clued me in. The trained eye can notice the balloon being used as a cursor. Well, there's that and the big fucking "BALLOON" scrawled across the top.
Being a balloon fight, I immediately thought back to my somewhat misspent youth, in which I participated in many balloon fights. Those balloon fights were actually fought with really big sticks, but if you pretended they were balloons then the doctors wouldn't press charges. Alas, I was not to relive my youth today (unless you count all the grasshoppers in my pocket, but that's pretty usual). Balloon Fight is actually some strange Joust knock off, using balloons instead of ostriches.
For one frightened moment I thought that Mario had somehow infiltrated this game too. After all, it's gotten to the point where he talks to me from the toilet. Fucking plumber. I was completely prepared to grab my really big stick and have a balloon fight with my monitor when I noticed that, thankfully, it was just somebody in red coveralls. Attached to balloons. Thankfully that was where the resemblance ended.
Speaking of red coveralls, I think I've found the body models used by Nintendo for roughly 98.all of their games. The fact that they're in biohazard suits should probably say something about Japanese, but I haven't quite decided what.
Anyway, the game itself is actually fairly fun. You fly around attached to your balloons and pop the balloons attached to the other ... the other .... um ... things, who parachute down to the ground where you run up and deliver the final coup-de-kick-in-the-nuts to get them off the screen.
Also, just in case you were missing one, there is occasionally a large fish that will pop out of the water and eat you alive if you get too close. This is a heathy lesson if you ever decide to float across the Atlantic with balloons strapped to your back. Don't get too close to the water. Hyre theyre be monsters.
posted by network_failure at 4:07 PM
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