Bakushou! Star Monomane Shitennou
So the Japanese apparently have a thing over there called "Kancho", which involves randomly attempting to ram your fingers into someone's ass. See Exhibit A:
This suprises me about as much as the news that Rosie O'Donnell hates cock. If you've kept up with this project for more than 5 minutes or so, that you too, are monumentally unsuprised by anything the Japanese do at this point. Somehow, though, it still took me a good 15 minutes of playing this game before I managed to stop asking my wallpaper what the fuck was going on.
The title screen looks innocent enough, giving you no preparation for the wave of strangeness that's about to come. Immediately after the title screen goes away, a group of yakuza clowns begin to dance across the screen, all in front of a line of happy smiling trees. See Exhibit B:
I'm watching this with a vague form of intolerant incredulity, raising my glass for a long drink of Russian xanax in a Stoli bottle. Suddenly the dancing yakuza clowns are replaced by digital bobble-head dolls. I love the Japanese. I've got plenty of reasons to drink, and they just keep giving me more.
Striving gallantly ahead, firm in my resolve to bring you the best in reporting, I launch into the game proper. Never mind that only 5 other people in the world would claim to have played this. Never mind that I don't speak a word of Japanese. Nevermind that no one cares. None of you care. You read this and laugh at my pain. All of yo....*ahem* Sorry. The game. Yes.
Apparently the yakuza clowns have something to do with it. It's a Japanese kids game, so my guess it that they're running around cutting off fingers and ramming them into peoples assholes. While laughing. With this in mind, I cover my asshole and play for a little longer. Not sure what I pressed, but I get to a part where the killer yakuza clown is onstage. And a little anti-man in green shorts is climbing onstage.
I decided to quit while I was ahead.
This suprises me about as much as the news that Rosie O'Donnell hates cock. If you've kept up with this project for more than 5 minutes or so, that you too, are monumentally unsuprised by anything the Japanese do at this point. Somehow, though, it still took me a good 15 minutes of playing this game before I managed to stop asking my wallpaper what the fuck was going on.
The title screen looks innocent enough, giving you no preparation for the wave of strangeness that's about to come. Immediately after the title screen goes away, a group of yakuza clowns begin to dance across the screen, all in front of a line of happy smiling trees. See Exhibit B:
I'm watching this with a vague form of intolerant incredulity, raising my glass for a long drink of Russian xanax in a Stoli bottle. Suddenly the dancing yakuza clowns are replaced by digital bobble-head dolls. I love the Japanese. I've got plenty of reasons to drink, and they just keep giving me more.
Striving gallantly ahead, firm in my resolve to bring you the best in reporting, I launch into the game proper. Never mind that only 5 other people in the world would claim to have played this. Never mind that I don't speak a word of Japanese. Nevermind that no one cares. None of you care. You read this and laugh at my pain. All of yo....*ahem* Sorry. The game. Yes.
Apparently the yakuza clowns have something to do with it. It's a Japanese kids game, so my guess it that they're running around cutting off fingers and ramming them into peoples assholes. While laughing. With this in mind, I cover my asshole and play for a little longer. Not sure what I pressed, but I get to a part where the killer yakuza clown is onstage. And a little anti-man in green shorts is climbing onstage.
I decided to quit while I was ahead.
posted by network_failure at 3:13 PM
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