Bakushou!! Ai no Gekijou I - III
Waaay back when, I went through a period where I played sims a lot. This was also the period of my life where I was doing a cubic metric shitload of drugs. I do not believe these two things to be a coincidence. I played these sim games for about four months, at which point several of my very good friends beat the everloving shit out of me and reminded me that I do, in fact, have testicles. Giant, hairy, coconut sized testicles. At that point they smelled faintly of garlic and disuse, but I'm sure that's a lot more than you wanted to know.
Bakushou!! Ai no Gekijou I - III is a series of sim games where your participation is limited to A) pressing start, B) choosing random parents for the unfortunate progeny that the game revolves around, and C) spending the next 15 minutes realizing that you could have been using that time to do something fun. Like furtively masturbating to 70's porn. Or chewing off your own fingers.
From what I can gather using my impressive ability to opinions directly out of my ass (where no Japanese fingers will ever reach, that you very much), the game follows your unfortunate progeny, Sum Gie, through a series of events that range from the dull to the surreal, to the dully surreal. You get such impressive scenes as Sum Gie in bed:
Sum Gie chatting up a Japanese / Toad hybrid:
Sum Gie naked in school:
and Moses himself:
Then, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, you're given a chance to play Space invaders.
Yea, I didn't see that one coming either. Now Space Invaders has a very special place in my heart, right next to the shrapnel, and I felt all warm and fuzzy for all of four seconds. Till I remember the gay bathtub scene.
I'm not a prejudiced man. I'm not a violent man. I'm a nice guy, despite what the courts and my ex girlfriends say. But games like this get under my skin. So the next time you see a guy and he isn't shouting profanities at the first random Japanese guy he's seen, then you can rest assured that it's not me.
Bakushou!! Ai no Gekijou I - III is a series of sim games where your participation is limited to A) pressing start, B) choosing random parents for the unfortunate progeny that the game revolves around, and C) spending the next 15 minutes realizing that you could have been using that time to do something fun. Like furtively masturbating to 70's porn. Or chewing off your own fingers.
From what I can gather using my impressive ability to opinions directly out of my ass (where no Japanese fingers will ever reach, that you very much), the game follows your unfortunate progeny, Sum Gie, through a series of events that range from the dull to the surreal, to the dully surreal. You get such impressive scenes as Sum Gie in bed:
Sum Gie chatting up a Japanese / Toad hybrid:
Sum Gie naked in school:
and Moses himself:
Then, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, you're given a chance to play Space invaders.
Yea, I didn't see that one coming either. Now Space Invaders has a very special place in my heart, right next to the shrapnel, and I felt all warm and fuzzy for all of four seconds. Till I remember the gay bathtub scene.
I'm not a prejudiced man. I'm not a violent man. I'm a nice guy, despite what the courts and my ex girlfriends say. But games like this get under my skin. So the next time you see a guy and he isn't shouting profanities at the first random Japanese guy he's seen, then you can rest assured that it's not me.
posted by network_failure at 3:52 PM
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