Adventures of Catman (Metroid Hack)

After the wonderful example of a really good hack, we're back to the realm of hacks that are as desperately pathetic as Ben Affleck trying to prove that he can act. You know, I'm fully cognizant of the fact that, were I to sit down and produce a hack of a game, it's going to be crap. I know it would be crap. As a matter of fact, it would be unplayable dogsqueeze. Therefore, I don't. Makes sense to you, makes sense to me, the world is a better place because of it. I think the worst thing about it is the fact that it's literally about 4 screens long, from left to right. That it. That's all. After successfully completing the game in less time than it takes to shit, I have a few questions for you, Mr. Brett D. The biggest one, of course, is how many other games did you butcher and what are they, so that I may take at least 18 xanex before submitting myself to them. How do you feel, knowing that I hate you, the rest of the world hates you, and Michael Jackson is asking for your phone number? Why does ... um ... *ahem* "Catman" have a penis growing out of his back? Oh. God called. He told me to tell you He hates you too. In other news, my spell check suggested "waffle" as the correction to "Affleck". This amuses me greatly for some reason.