Adventure Island McBee 2.0 (Adventure Island Hack)

In one of her recent speeches, Hillary Clinton gave some serious criticism to the video game industry about the level of sex and violence in video games today. Apparently she missed the class where AOL Tenieboppers learn to do stripteases on webcams before they learn how to parallel park. It's a sick sad world, Senator Clinton, and pretending to be more shocked at the Hot Coffee mod in GTA:SA than you were at Bill's spooge-stain just doesn't fly anymore. That's right. Adventure Island. This game is unique in the fact that Sum Gie plays a short, fat, balding gay guy who is, in fact, the hero of the game. Then again, I think the guys over at Hudson Soft program to the light of a dozen TVs playing "Shoot the Brown Star: Jack's Adventures In Anal-land" on endless repeat. I mean, look at this. At some point Sum Gie gets on a skateboard and runs around collecting fruit. What the fuck is it with Nintendo Game Designers and this obsession with collecting fucking fruit? Every third game I fucking play you've got to collect strawberries or apples, or in this case, bananas to satiate the phallic longings of the people in charge. No. I refuse to put up with this any longer. It's time to set myself on fire and go up in flames faster than a Buddhist monk in Tiennaman Square. I left this game feeling oddly satisfied.