Akumajou Special - Boku Dracula-kun

I thought Bayou Billy has successfully shattered the last remnants of my respect for Kanomi. I thought that game had demonstrated the fact that the designer head honchos were more interested in banging the secretary on the boardroom table than they were in keeping an eye on what their crack-addled programmers were putting out. Not so, because there's Akumajou Special - Boku Dracula-kun (which apparently translated to "I'm Kid Dracula", according to the title screen). Hey. Game! I have not yet successfully slaughtered those last two remaining brain cells. Tell me this isn't what I fucking think it's going to be, please. Much to the regret of my liver, it is. Sum Gie is kid ... dracula. Just typing those words makes me feel dirty. The bad kind of dirty. Here we see Sum Gie in a moment of ecstatic bliss after having just shit his pants. I actually spent more time playing this game than I expected to. Not because I was in any way enjoying it, at least no more than I would enjoy an afternoon colonoscopy. I played it for the same reason that I slow down and enjoy the car wrecks that routinely turn my drive home from work into a living hell. Because I can barely believe that something decent and respectable like Kanomi and Castlevania could be perverted to this ... this ... cock-cheese game. You know those insufferable little stuffed toys that get really popular around Valentine's day? The ones that sing some abhorrent, vile, cutsey song when you squeeze their hands? Yeah. The ones that you really want to set on fire and stomp into the ground - This game is like that. You're fighting a giant fucking CHICKEN for christ's sake. Then I noticed this. One of the bosses had a little dark spot on its forehead. So I magnified the screenshot. I couldn't believe my eyes. SO I checked another version, thinking that this had to be something that some amateur hacker had thrown in as a practical joke. Nope. Every version. Same thing. A big ghost with a big fucking swastika on his forehead. That's right. Kid Dracula fighting the ghost of Charlie "It's amazing how fucking insane I really am" Manson. After seeing that I almost felt good about this game. And by good I mean that I'm not as filled with the same intense desire to shove broken glass under my eyelids that some of these other games have given me. Cool.