'89 Dennou Kyuusei Uranai

Yet another occasion where I really wonder what planet the Japanese are really from. I've had acid trips that made more sense than this. Fuck, Jim Morrison had acid trips that made more sense than this. In an effort to understand exactly what was going on, I found an insane homeless man and proceeded to beat him with a sharp stick until he gave me a translation of the following:
"Hey man, can I bum a smoke. No, man, not a stick, a smo...dude, put the fucking stick down, man, I ain't done SHIT to you. No. Please don't. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! FUCK IT HURTS!!!!!!!!! No, please, don't put the stick there! Please, dear, go.........." and the rest was just some strange gurgling sound.

Honestly, I don't think it helped explain much.
At one point it looks like you're putting in a date. I decided to put in my birthday. Then I screamed for awhile when the strange orange alien showed up.
Fuck. More Japanese to translate. Back to the bum.

"Holy shit, it's you again! Man, you come near me with that fuckin stick again, I'm gonna call the po.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *gurgle*"

I swear, these bums are no fucking help whatsoever. So I just kept pushing buttons until I got this:

I think I broke it.